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GG USA. :<

Amateur World Cup 2010 Journal Brazil vs. Cote d’Ivoire

BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRazil and Ivory coast!

Well, Brazil won their first game so far against North Korea, although I’m not quite sure if it’s just Brazil playing beneath their potential or just Best Korea coming out of nowhere and being better than expected. This goes without saying, Brazil is a formidable opponent and will be very tough to spot. They are ensured to move on to the last 16 if they win this match.

This is the second World Cup finals for Ivory Coast, again they are in the “Group of Death.” They were eliminated earlier last World Cup, but this time no matter the outcome against Brazil, they will move foward into the final 16. Their strategy going into this game is to be defensive, first and foremost. If they best Brazil, this will be the first live match that they have won in World Cup.

Let’s get ready to rumble!

2:00~ BRA Robinho runs down the field and busts out a long range shot, close but no cigar. Hopefully this level of excitement keeps up.

5:38 BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

12:00 Sweet stache on Brazilian keeper, but otherwise the game has gotten a bit uninteresting right now.

24:00~ Fabiano scores for Brazil! He breaks free of the defender and boots it high above Ivory Coast keeper Copa and it punches in the top of the net. 

31:00~ Yellow Card to BRA Tiene for tapping the ankle of Elano.

36:00 Looks like Fabiano’s goal has disheartened Ivory Coast a bit.

45:00 +1 minute added.

Halftime whistle! Hopefully the energy is picked up again when they are back. Nothing really else to say except the typical “losing team needs to not give up, winning team needs to keep attacking. blah blah” I think the pace of the game is a bit slower and less “exciting” because Brazil are not treating Ivory Coast players as pushovers. They are being really careful and calculating, which should not be perceived as a lack of action.

Note: No team has came back from half time, losing to Brazil, and prevailed in the end. Let’s see if that changes today.

46:00~ Apparently the Brazilians are not happy with themselves, despite being in the lead. The fans seem a bit serious, probably due to the lack of control and carelessness in some instances, this is very much expected of the Brazilian team.

50:00~ Brazilians can breathe a sigh of relief, Fabiano smashes in another goal for Brazil! Apparently Fabiano came in from a drought of not scoring, and people were saying he lacked confidence. Lack no more, nigga!

54:00 CIV Drogba has a great opportunity but unfortunately misses the goal wide.

58:00~ The ball breaks loose towards the Brazilian goal but is a bit fast and before any CIV player can reach it, it’s grabbed by the keeper. In any soccer game, seems a bit impossible after being down 2 points. Who knows, though? That’s the fun of it.

61:00~ THIS is the Brazil team I’ve heard of. Elano sinks one in, pulling Brazil 3 - 0 in the lead. Feels like the nail in the coffin for Ivory Coast, right about now.

66:00~ Elano goes down after being kicked in the shin. Excuse my ignorance, but don’t soccer players have thick ass shin guards for this? Furthermore, when did getting kicked in the shin justify needing an oxygen mask?

71:00~ BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

74:00 Some BRA dude swung his ankle into someone’s foot, lays on the ground slapping the grass. In other news, doesn’t seem like CIV is going down without a fight.

78:00 Ivory Coast becomes the first African nation to score against Brazil in the World Cup. Drogba catches a pass with his head and butts it into the corner. This may be a little too late, 10 minutes left and 2 goals down now.

85:00 Kaka gets a yellow card for pushing Toure.

86:00 Tiote gets a yellow card for challenging Fabiano.

87:00 Kaka gets a second yellow, thus resulting in a red and is sent off! CIV Player Keita is seen running into Kaka, who brings his arm up to distance himself bumping Kieta in the chest, and Keita is seen diving down holding his face. Disgraceful motherfucker. Sore losers, now. 

90:00 +3 stoppage time. Ivory Coast taking advantage of Brazil being short on men.

Final whistle, Brazil clenched the victory and qualifies for the final 16! Pretty shameful playing from some of the players of Ivory Coast in the final minutes. PROTIP; If you don’t get hit in the fucking face, don’t hold your face when you flop down like a god damned wanker. Can you at least have the decency to look good for the replays? Anyways, the Brazilians probably have a feeling of what the Americans feel like after the whole Coulibaly faggotry. 

Very nice play by the Brazilians, congratulations, and until next time!

Amateur World Cup 2010 Journal Italy vs. New Zealand

Froza Italia!

6:50AM here, 10 minutes until the match begins. Haha, it always seems like I’m waking up right before the matches start, and scrambling to write the pre-game. Anyways, the biggest news on the Italy side is: BUFFON IS OUT DUE TO INJURY! That sexy bitch has a herniated disc, and must sit out for 4 months to recuperate after surgery. Sadness. Marchetti will be taking his place. Other than that, the Talians are switching to a 4-4-2 formation that Coach Lippi utilized against Paraguay during the second half.

Since the World Cup has already provided some surprise upsets (gg France, gg Germany, gg Spain) could the curse move on to the defending champions, Italy? Italy’s last goal was unimpressive due to an error made by Paraguayan keeper.

There has only been one match between Italy and New Zealand, which Italy won 4 - 3. However, the Kiwis led 3 times during the match giving Italy much trouble with their set pieces and long balls.

Here we go!

0:00 - I SEE THAT FUCK FACE COULIBALY IS REFFING THE MATCH. His career needs to be ended by Fifa, fool is an embodiment of disgrace to the sport.

2:00~ Both teams are punting the fucking balls long, and picked up by the respective keepers.

4:00 ITA defender Zambrotta gets unintentionally elbowed in the face and goes down, hopefully tthere aren’t too many flops.

6:20 NZI Smeltz scores a goal! Bringing New Zealand into the lead for the very first time ever in World Cup! This is exactly what the Italian coach Lippi was worried about. However, there is a buzz that he was supposedly off sides, so we’ll see what happens.

10:16 Game is picking up, we definitely don’t want to see any team that squeaks out an early lead to sit back and defend their position. With that said, New Zealand should keep up the offensive. Without saying, Italy needs to start beasting the fuck out.

14:00~ NZL striker Fallon is given the yellow card. Replay shows that his arm leaned into the face of Cannavaro. A few minutes later he gets tapped in the chest with an elbow and is seen going down writhing on the ground, then promptly gets back up and back into the game. The commentator makes a crack saying “he’s one of the toughest men on the field, perhaps he’ll play through the pain for a few moments.” Fuckin lollercoasters.

21:15 Oh shit, fan wearing a baller ass inflatable kiwi hat in the crowd.

23:00 Another Italian goes down, holy shit definitely an academy award performance by ITA Chiellini. Replay shows the arm basically brushing against his face, NZL coach can be seen being flustered by the dramatics.

26:00 ITA Montolivo kicks the goal and it just breezes past everyone including the keeper, and unluckily bounces off the goal. NZL keeper Paston just watches there and is extremely lucky the ball was just off slightly.

27:00~ Penalty kick! De Rossi’s shirt was held while the Italians attacked! This could very well tie it up. Confident penalty kick and Laquinta punts it in! I don’t think i’ve seen a penalty kick be successfully blocked yet in World Cup.

32:00~ Italians are attacking like fucking mad now, sucks how it takes a team to get scored in the face first before they play to their full potential. Anyways, I didn’t the chance to say this earlier due to the goal but the diving thing bothers me so much that I’m considering just not blogging the games that have notorious fake injury teams. I mean, the subject is about as much beating a dead horse as you can get in soccer but still, wow.

Dive moar.

Italy dominates some more, but the pace of the game has definitely dropped. New Zealand definitely aiming to get to halftime tied, and they get their wish.

Halftime!

Don’t get me wrong, I love the team and how they play but the fake ass injury and the over the top shimmying and artistic flailing on the floor is just so god damned ridiculous. As I said, if you’re a team that’s known for incredible skill and style then win doing what you’re known for, no matter how good you are and you dive and flop THAT’S what you’re going to be known for. Then again, what do I know, I’m new to this soccer thing. I just can’t get into the sport when there’s something blatantly unsportsmanlike every few minutes.

Second half starting.

53:00~ Game is slowing down, however this seems to just be a tactic that New Zealand is utilizing to frustrate the Italians. Apparently they are bombarding them with high balls because NZL knows they can’t outplay or outpass them in the middle of the pitch.

58:00~ Another Italian goes down holding his head. Scrub. At least the commentators are speaking out against this rubbish ass shit, if that’s any saving grace it’s to know that this type of behavior is frowned upon.

61:00~ Final substitution made by Marcello Lippi.

67:00~ Italians can find no way through the NZL defense. Another Italian player trips (lol) giving them a chance for another kick.Shot is cockblocked out, and ends with a corner kick from Italy.

69:45 INCREDIBLE SAVE BY NZL KEEPER PASTON! Dived to the right, punching the ball out of the air with one hand. I am not dissapoint.

71:00 Handball by Cannavaro.

72:00 Dive by a NZL player now, got poked in the neck, and held onto his face as he went down. Like I said before, holding the face is almost a sure sign of flopping lol.

74:00 The air is buzzing with tension, both teams wanting to squeeze out a point ahead of the other. It seriously warms my heart to see players that fall and get back up without contemplating about it.

76:00~ A very contemplated play by the Italians during their penalty kick, seems like it was a bit too complex and some players forgot where to go lol. Ball is eventually easily saved by NZL keeper.

81:00 Less than 10 minutes left, and it’s a tie so far. NZL player shoots and just BARELY misses! That was so close.

85:00 Another series of corner kicks and headers resulting in the NZL keeper grabbing the ball, I’m definitely most impressed by this guy. NZL player goes down and is in no hurry to stand up burning up the clock. When they finally bring the stretcher over, he gets up. He’s awarded with a yellow card, apparently. Probably due to wasting time, lols.

86:00 NZL Elliot is seen arguing with the ref about the yellow, he should probably back off before he gets a yellow card for looking so fucking old. Another save by NZL keeper Paston. Superb.

90:00 +4 minutes stoppage time.

91:00 Despite how baller Paston is, the team itself needs to keep Italy away from the goal. It would be fucking tragic if NZL were to give up the game right now. Another fresh pair of legs substitution for NZL.

92:30 Minute and a half left.

93:00 One minute left.

93:44 New Zealand toss in which they wil definitely take their fucking time with.

94:15 An Italian doing barrel rolls rofl. Referee blows his whistle, and the game is over, TIED!

On paper this was supposedly one of the most one sided matches of this World Cup. However Champion of Justice New Zealand keeper Paston as immaculate today, and his team has denied one of the superpowers of world football a victory. This is a very courageous result that NZL definitely can be proud of. This World Cup has definitely been huge upsets, one after another. Fucking awesome.

Stay tuned for Brazil and Ivory Coast!

England vs. Algeria, World Cup 2010

Best decision I’ve ever made: not blogging about England vs. Algeria game. Seriously, a recording of that match should be used as treatment for insomnia. Putting motherfuckers to sleep left and right. 

For the English fans that were laughing at America simply because we lost due to bad officiating before: Where is your god now?